Today is the 24th March 2009 . 

It's been long since i last posted an entry i know, but i can't help but hold back what i have to say, just in case, i said anything wrongly . 

It feels so different now, as if . . . i can't express myself freely in my own blog, i have to hide certain things and cut out other sensitive topics, it feels so different from when i first started blogging . Because then, i knew no one really read my blog, but now, there is . 

I just wish that all the people around me could just stop talking to me, because i just don't wanna talk . Well, except for dear dear of course . I really really don't feel like talking, seriously, so if you wanna talk to me, just go away . 

Her naggings last night made me kinda regret telling her, and the way she talked last night made me put on a fake smile even though she's my own mother . I just hope she could stop blaming my beloved for what happen and blame nothing at all . So what if i spent all my cash on his relative's birthday and he spent nothing . I spent it on my own account, willingly, if you're unhappy with it, you could just stop giving me my pocket money . I can survive without cash and you know it, because i'm good at starving myself, and i'll do that if you continue blaming him . 

I wish i could be back in my friend's house, drinking with nice deep house electronica music playing and that's all i hear . I wish to do nothing, just lay back on the lounge chair, sip on a glass of vodka and have dear dear beside me . But somehow or another, i knew i will never ever be able to do that, and no one could give me that . It's just impossible without some things . 

Can't really describe how deep i fell this time, how i got hurt, but it's been long since i felt so dark and alone, like i said . 

And i'm saying this for the last time i hope, i don't feel like talking, so please don't talk to me .